Monday, January 18, 2010

Shallow Connexions

Truth be told, sometimes I really hate BYU. Sometimes I hate Utah valley. Sometimes I hate the people in the church. All this social pressure makes dating in the gay community awkward and clumsy. The only way I can think of it happening is online, and really, that is very lame. What happened to online dating only being for socially awkward people? A lot of closeted guys who want to date here frequent Connexion, Craigslist, Manhunt... and I've find online dating to be somewhat necessary and not very preferable.
There are psychotic guys out there. There are confused guys out there. There are guys who will break down and confess you to their bishop in the blink of an eye. Of course, there are people like that in the real world, but it's much easier to get a feel for their psychosis in real life.
Because of online dating, I've had to learn to analyze texts and digital messages, give out subtle hints, and to flat-out say "I'm not interested." Hell, I haven't mastered that last bit yet. That has made me more shallow, which is not ok. If somebody is going to catch my attention online, it won't be their personality. I mean, I can see myself dating a not-so-attractive guy if I were in love with their personality, but that is very difficult to gauge online. Trying to do so by meeting every guy out there is impractical, impossible, and very dangerous.
So what do I do? Filter through to the attractive guys and hope one of them clicks with me. It's a messy and bitchy situation, but as of now, there's not much of another way.


  1. I have to agree with you on a few points. The internet isnt the best place to meet others. But I will have to say I've recently met some cool people that I wouldn't have met without the internet.One guy facebooked me and we met in person. So what do you do? I think you've got the right idea of filtering. Don't use Craigslist, thats probably the worst idea and most dangerous. I'm still trying to figure things out myself. There are some groups out there and they're actually quite useful for networking purposes. There's the LDS Reconciliation, they know a lot of people, and Affirmation. They also know of many other groups and such that they could direct you to. Of course there's the Utah Pride Center in Salt Lake where you can get a lot of info, find something you're interested in. Anyways, sorry to leave such a long comment.

  2. BYU gay dating can definitely be a mess...When I was there a few years ago the key was to find other gay friends who could help set you up. The big danger is guys who will turn around and run back to the bishop and Honor Code office, so be careful.

  3. I think that on Connexion, you should block the ugly people. That should send home the point.

  4. the best I can tell you to id not to judge by initial impressions, people put up a front online that you can never trust no matter what they say. the best thing to do, is talk with people who you could see as having potential and asking them deep questions about how they think, questions that they cant answer without thinking. while being attracted to them is important, it should not be the deciding factor. or you will be very along for a very long time