18 Going On 21

After pondering the reasons for me being single, I've come to the realization that nobody takes 18-year-olds seriously -- and with good reason too. I resist dating boys my age for the same reason that guys resist dating me. Us teenagers carry the stigma of immaturity, and no one wants that in a relationship. Before I turned 18, I thought that once I reached the legal voting age, I would be given some credit in society, but it turns out that even 21 is deemed to be young and deficient of life experiences.

I searched on Connexion for gay boys between the ages of 18 and 19, and came up with 5 hits in Provo... One of them my 34-year-old friend pretending to be younger. I attribute the few numbers to inner turmoil and missions. Few gay men, especially here in Utah Valley, come to terms with themselves at such a young age, and for those that do, few know what they want in life.

Because of all this, I've decided to put dating on the back-burner and focus more on making friends and continuing my education-- at least until I pack on a few more years and lose the pesky "1" as I approach my 20's. That isn't to say that I'll give it up entirely; I just won't be too date-crazy for a while.

The Worst Two Years

Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting in Sacrament. This last weekend was also Missionary Bootcamp, which I (thank God) was able to opt out of because of our family vacation. Unfortunately, the future missionaries in our ward marched up to the podium, one by one, to deliver their testimonies about what an amazing and spiritual experience they had over the past few days. I looked over at my mom, whose face grew more and more sour with each heartfelt message.

Afterwards, she turned to me and whispered, "It's hard for me to watch these young men and know that I won't have the same honor their parents do. I'm still not giving up hope for your mission."

My stomach twisted into a knot. How was I supposed to respond? "Don't," I said, "You're only setting yourself up for disappointment."

"You don't think I'm already disappointed?" And with that, she turned back to the speaker.

Then, between sessions, this lady in our ward I hardly know came up to me. "I know it's none of my business, but you need to go on a mission," she said intently. Before I could tell her to bugger off, she went on a tirade of how much it blessed her son's life and her life and blah blah blah...

I know this is just the beginning. I haven't even turned 19 yet, and already people are on my case about my decision. I can't imagine how many more times I'll have to explain myself over the next two years and how many persistent exhortations I'll have to fend off.

On a happier note, I'm moving into an apartment with 3 bisexual guys tomorrow, so at least I'll be able to avoid an earful of this tiresome missionary talk in my own home.