Sunday, May 9, 2010

Why Closet Cases Remain So

Last week, one of my friends from high school called me unexpectedly when I was on my way to work. She's an intelligent, albeit close-minded, Mormon who is betrothed at the ripe age of 19.

In a nutshell, she saw a post on some guy's Facebook wall about him wanting to go on a second date with me. I thought that I would have to come out to her right then and there while marching up the steps to BYU campus. Fortunately, I was able to quickly make up a story about how there must be some confusion after he and I had grabbed food at McDonald's one time.

Then, my friend said something along the lines of, "Why are you hanging out with these people? I don't want you hanging with the wrong crowd. You're easily impressionable. I mean, he's gay."

I have a few issues with this:
  • This post wasn't even on my Facebook wall, which means that she was essentially Facebook stalking me and the people on my Friends list.
  • Who was she to confront me about this? As a friend, she should be concerned, but supportive. Instead, she rebuked me for my choice of friends for a good 10 minutes.
  • Gee, thanks for filling in the role of my mom. I haven't seen you since we graduated, and you're only 9 months older than me; I don't need you telling me who I can or cannot hang out with.
Granted, she's still a teenager, so I can't expect her to handle a situation like this with the maturity of say, a parent, but she should have taken a less accusatory stance and reprimanded less even as a friend.

I completely understand now that I will not be coming out to her anytime in the near future... Unless she "stumbles" upon some more incriminating Facebook information.


  1. In a nutshell, I think she likes you. That's why she stalked you and didnt want you hanging out with gays.

    Joned Rahadian

  2. This "friend" from high school has all the earmarks of someone whose judgment you can disregard. If I were you, I'd just keep your distance from now on. You don't need her approval or her harassment.

  3. Well, I think it takes a little more time and experience than she has to figure out the following: (1) It's almost always best not to give counsel where none is sought, (2) There is no such thing as an accurate uniform characterization of any grouping of people, and (3) There is a world out there outside of her experience full up people living lives that are unique, different and (most importantly) equally as valid as the little corner of life she calls home.

  4. One of the more troubling points here is that she finds her judgment superior to yours. I think it's an incredibly prideful thing to suggest she knows you, your friends, and your situation better than you yourself do.

    Been there.

    Her concern is definitely a selfish one.