Thursday, April 8, 2010

5 Types to Avoid at BYU

1. Flirty Freshman Girls

These girls are some of the easiest girls in the state of Utah who probably need to get LAID. They can be found decorating boys' doors with notes and cheap cutouts, and their grating voices are enough to make one want to smack them across their desperate faces.

2. Over-excited Future Missionaries

These guys post inspirational spiritual quotes as their Facebook status and go to bed at 11:00 p.m. in preparation for the best two years they'll ever hope to have... Running out of milk proves to be a testimony builder, and The Lion King is chock-ful of spiritual matter.

3. BYU-Obsessed Sports Fanatics

These people don't own an article of clothing that's red and coordinate their class schedules so that they can be in the same classes as their favorite football player. Makes me want to cut them open to see if they really bleed blue... Or just to cut them open.

4. Impatient RM's

Fresh off the mission field and sexually repressed, impatient RM's or raring to find that special lady to spend the rest of their life with... in a matter of weeks. They've got a diamond ring in the glove box in case a date goes really well.

5. Overbearing Religious Roommates

Sunday is Be-a-martyr Day. Oh wait, it's past midnight on a Saturday night? Turn off the TV! Only manna for you! WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THAT ON SUNDAY! MOTAB ONLY! SPIRIT MURDERER!!!!

And that's what I learned after my first year at BYU.


  1. Seriously, that post rocks. I think you have it all covered. Who is left after that though?

  2. Hilarious!

    Ha! all three of my roommates are in the fourth category. They have marriage on the brain.

  3. My roommates wouldn't let me watch television on Sundays, or listen to non-churchy music. We also had apartment prayer and apartment scripture study. Yuck.

  4. Ha! Twenty years ago I had a roommate who tried the "let's agree to no TV on Sundays". Yeah, try again. It helped that I owned the condo but I nixed that quick. Indeed. Like the missionaries I worked with who tried to add Coke and Pepsi to the Big 5 listed in the discussions as WoW no-no's.

  5. Haha!

    I regret to say that I was one of those who really really wanted to get into BYU when I was 18. I thought being in that environment would cure my SSA.

  6. What a riot. Not only true, but timeless. Obviously nothing's changed since I was in school. I suspect all these fanatical Little Saints have no idea how funny they are to anyone with a little bit of life experience. Or how useless all that zealotry really is when compared to the great commandments to love, do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.

  7. I think you left out conflicted mohos ;)

  8. Awesome post! You nailed it right on the head. Unfortunately my roomies are the unbearable mixture of types 3,4, & 5! The other day, I heard one of my roommates tell my other roommate "I just want to get married so bad!" I so wanted to reply "No. You just wanna have sex!" But, I bit my tongue.

    Anyway, great post! It made me laugh. In the words of Karen Walker, "It's funny 'cause it's true."

  9. Hahahaahaha, thanks for the laugh this is great, I dated a number 1 and a number 5 unfortunately. :(

  10. Oh my gosh this is one of the most hilarious things I've seen. My fave is #1.